Page    1   2   3   of this article. A Case of Masochism, E. F. Baker, Jour. of Orgonomy V 6 no. 1   He still complained that his head was tight and that he was out of contact and could not concentrate. I mobilized his eyes and had him hit and kick, and he relaxed and felt very good for three minutes. Then he went back to his usual state. His head continued very tight, and he felt miserable. I consistently worked on his eyes, having him open them and scream, roll them, and then open and squeeze them. Finally, his eyes rolled up and froze. He could not breathe, his neck and trunk became stiff, and he turned ashen. I brought his head forward, and he relaxed again. He said he thought he was dying and left feeling no better. At the following session, he was still no better. After much insistence and arguing, I got him to make a face. He made one of contempt and responded to it by becoming very contemptuous of me and the therapy, even smirking, and ending by saying, "You think that you accomplished something, don't you? Well, you didn't. I promise you I will commit suicide in the near future." After this, his mood improved, he became helpful in his sessions and, even spontaneously expressed rage and kicked. He did complain that he was in a constant fog and that his eyes were usually out of contact. His jaw muscles began to show increasing spasm, and I had him repeatedly say, "Wah." Eventually, he blocked exactly as he did when he stuttered. He remarked about it. He brought the following dream: His mother, his father's cousin, a "dandy" (i.e., a fop), and he were walking across country. They came to an obstacle, a ditch or a fence. The cousin was telling about his trip to Paris and commented, "It was all right, but eventually you relax," meaning, " you become impotent." His association was that his father never mentioned sex but was always telling anal stories and incidents. [Impotence is the penalty for sex.] Soon he began again to complain of feeling miserable, withdrawn, and unable to enjoy anything. His eyes, however, were brighter, and he continued to be much more willing to follow instructions in therapy. I continued to have him say "wah," but it produced no effect until I stirred him up by having him kick. Then he began to feel and choked up. He was always extremely concerned if anyone was in the waiting room, to the point of becoming paralyzed. One day he went through a temper tantrum vocalizing, ending in a scream, with a woman in the waiting room. He continued to be much more cooperative, with his eyes quite open and in contact. His head continued to feel tight but was more comfortable. Biting and saying "wah" were continued, and he felt good for several hours. He began to speak more about his childhood and how ashamed he was over his playing with dolls and making dolls' dresses with his mother. His brother and sister were away at school, and his mother sewed to help his father get started in business. He still complained that he could not remember or think and that this interfered with his work. He had no sexual fantasies. His attitude remained better, as he was working hard and willingly in the sessions, but he continued to complain that his head was tight. Although his eyes seemed far away a great deal, he was still markedly perceptive and alert. During one session, he began to feel anxious (loosening of armor), became very panicky, clung to me, and again saw his mother's face. Her eyes were open and angry, her mouth was open, and her hands were extended toward him like claws. After this, he felt he could do more by himself during the sessions and cooperate better. After a few more sessions, respiration for the first time produced the initial signs of the preorgastic stage of genital anxiety: The pelvis began to draw backward on the exhale.1 (This marked his entry into the end stages of therapy.) Prior to that time, the pelvis would jerk forward and then clamp down on the exhale, or the patient would go into complete opisthotonos. He was more aware of felling in his legs and of the severe holding in them and his buttocks. This was really hopeful. Sensations were developing in the pelvis; the energy was moving into it with only the usual reaction of genital anxiety. I now knew he could get well even though many stormy sessions lay ahead. His overt anxiety steadily increased in subsequent sessions. He was afraid to breathe, because he could feel anxiety in his pelvis. His eyes remained more open and in contact, but I held his chest and neck rigid, desperately trying to maintain control. He said his throat was the greatest problem.  1  Women appeared more prominently in his dreams. Formerly, he never dreamed of any woman except his mother or a close relative. Dream: He was in prison. A fat woman was lying with her head on his lap. He resented her being more comfortable than he. He began to feel that he could stand more, and, at this time, he was promoted to associate professor and second in his department. His throat continued to be the major problem. His scalp had become looser and tightened only when he felt anxious. I had him scream repeatedly, which he did very well, and he got from fear to panic. He turned pale and broke into a cold sweat, because, as he said, he almost let go. His anxiety continued, and breathing caused him to draw his pelvis backward. Finally, it began to tilt forward and he went into a panic feeling that someone would harm him. His eyes then went off. After this, he again became discouraged and was out of contact a great deal. He brought the following dreams: He was embracing a beautiful girl and was very excited. When he left, someone said, "That is quite a boy friend you have." He was very upset. The same night, he dreamed that he was in bed with the head of the department. He did not want to disturb him but I had a great desire to pass flatus. The dream changed, and a woman professor he knows, who is really unattractive and very masculine in appearance, was giving a lecture explaining his field. He thought, "I have forgotten all of that, and she knows it." In the dream, she was attractive. He felt very chagrined. (Submission to the anal father; the need to repress his wish for the young, oedipal mother.) He continued out of contact. His head was tight, and he said his brains felt tight. He sensed he was afraid, but could not make contact with the fear, and looked very sad. Sighing out loud, he began to cry, and his throat tightened to the point of choking. I had him repeat the sighing several times, and eventually he cried rather freely. He said, "it is only the beginning." He was afraid that someone would come in or overhear him. He continued on the verge of tears and sobbed for three sessions. Dream: Two doctors whom he knows are married to each other. The woman was to be examined by her husband (he was not her husband in the dream). He (my patient) was in a bed in the room. The woman put a sheet between her bed and his and, in doing so, was bare from the waist down. [Primal scene.] After this, he asked for a special appointment. He was out of contact. His head was tight. I had him blink his eyes rapidly. His chest and throat tightened and he stopped breathing. I had him repeat it, and he became terror stricken. He again saw the hands. At the next session, his eyes were blank, his head tight. I again had him blink. He again became panicky and saw the hands, but immediately blotted them out. Following this, I was fifteen minutes late to a session. He was silent and held himself stiff in an abused attitude. I apologized, and he said he was about to leave, that he thought I did not expect him. I told him he felt reproachful. He said, "Perhaps, I don't know." I pointed out that he always said, "I don't know," "I don't know how," or "I don't remember." Tears came to his eyes, and I said, "Come on, give in to it." He said, "I don't know how. A kind word would slay me." I asked him if he thought I was not kind, and he said, "The way you are now just drives me farther away." I pointed out that he always demanded more than he got or could be given, and that he always asked the impossible to make me appear in a bad light. He replied. "This session is destructive," and left sullen and angry. Later, he said he spent the night withdrawn and hopeless but the next day had felt a little better. I had him blink his eyes, and he started to choke and became terrified. He saw the hands and eyes again but immediately blotted them out. He felt frustrated, and said he felt worse than when he came. (This chap could always make me feel so good.) He continued to feel desperate and said that he had gone to a farewell party (he was going to the West Coast), where people seemed to be standing at angles. He was out of contact. I produced some movement, and he again became terrified, seeing the claws coming at him. I continued to have him blink and roll his eyes, which each time produced terror at seeing the hands. This occurred several times. On one of these occasions, the phone rang and I answered it. He was furious and said he would have broken through if I had not left to answer the phone. I merely said, "Again you put me in a bad light." I then said I wanted him to grow up and stop being a prima donna, that I had to make too many concessions to him, and I was tired of it. I tried to mobilize his eyes again, but he had no reaction. He was too resentful. At the next session, he was in a much better mood and friendly. We continued with his eyes, and he went into a state of terror and then suddenly said, "I have been wanting to swear at my mother. I have been lying here arguing with her. She looks triumphant and says, "I have you in my control." And I say, "No you haven't." I said. "Why not swear at her?" He replied, "You would be disappointed in me." "On the contrary," I said, "I want you to get it out, and I would be pleased." He said that, whenever he would swear, his mother would slap his face. He again went into a period of severe reactions to movement. His head would jerk back, his neck tighten and constrict, breathing would become difficult, and his chest rigid, with the shoulders fixed backward, the pelvis pulled forward, and the abdominal muscles rigid and contracted. The time was drawing near for him to leave, and I wanted to send him away at least more comfortable. He was pessimistic, insisting there was not enough time. I said it might take only one session. He could not believe it. With all this, he became ill and was in bed for three days with a virus, and he then came for his last session. He brought this dream: He came for an appointment. I was swimming in the pool. He got in the pool, and I held him under water until he thought he would drown. Then we got out of the pool, and I said, "Now I will see you." He said, "There isn't time." I said there is fifteen minutes, and he replied that it wasn't enough. [Separation from the therapist is killing him.] Although somewhat more comfortable, he was little changed over the previous sessions, and I suggested he continue therapy on the West Coast; if not with an analyst, then in group therapy, which I thought would be helpful in overcoming his difficulty in expressing himself, since it was impossible for him to do so in front of other people. He rejected the idea but said he would fly back at intervals whenever possible. He did come back twice in six months and corresponded, but this was not enough. He continued to be contracted, felt isolated and did not make friends. I kept insisting he enter group therapy. Finally, he heard of Esalen, which intrigued him, and I encouraged him to go for the five-day course of therapy they conducted. It was not far from him. I do not usually recommend these courses because I feel they can be dangerous, and I have seen two people who were left in panic. However, this patient had had a great deal of therapy and was basically close to health. I felt that almost any emotional contact would be helpful to counteract his tendency to contract. He wrote me after taking the course, describing the five days in detail. There were five women and four men in this group, which was led by two psychologists. At first, members made contact by gazing into each other's eyes and by touching. In the second session, they were blindfolded, and he became terrified and broke into uncontrollable sobbing. The other members held and cradled him, which brought out more abandon in sobbing. Next, they all went into a six-foot-square pool nude. He became very rigid, but, with breathing, he felt faint streamings and left the pool to lie in the sun. Another session consisted entirely of looking at each other's genitals. He soon became aware of a Roman Catholic Brother in the group, who reminded him of the Roman Catholic School of his childhood. Great rage welled up in him, and he poured it out on this chap and ended up sobbing. Following this, his eyes felt wide open and the tightness in his head disappeared. As the sessions continued, he built up more and more anxiety, with more and more baring of his soul, as his early life poured out. Then he was asked to play rape with a 19-year-old girl. He was surprised how anger welled up in him and that he wanted to choke her. After this, he felt relaxed and smiling. He ended the five days feeling much freer but tired. After this, he called to tell me that he had taken this same girl to his apartment and had had a satisfactory sexual experience with her. He also added, "you know how worried I always was about someone being in the waiting room. It wouldn't bother me a bit now." He said he had an opportunity to enter a group conducted by Dr. Perls for twenty-eight days, and asked if I thought he should join. I again encouraged him. Five years have passed since that exchange of letters, and I have had no word from him since, although I have written repeatedly asking about his progress. I saw him for a total of 700 sessions.   Page    1   2   3   of this article.   Footnotes 1. Later, the pelvis tilts forward and upward on exhalation. However, initially the patient cannot tolerate the energetic push into the pelvis so responds by drawing the pelvis back.  back to text